I woke up this morning in severe pain. I was starving, my head was pounding and every time I closed my eyes to try to fall back asleep, my stomach would act up again. To make things worse, my room was damp because my de-humidifier reached it's peak and shut off while I was asleep. The alarm on my blackberry decided it was also time to wake me up, as well as my family pacing back and forth upstairs getting ready for school and work. As I emptied the water from my de-humidifier, I heard my dad go outside to the backyard. I knew he wouldn't be pleased with what was out there. He began to clean up my mess from last night, which included: empty beer bottles, wine glasses, a bottle of Caribbean rum and a bottle of vodka. As he was doing this, he was cursing me under his breath. I could understand why. I do not like this person I'm becoming either. Is it really necessary for me to get obliviated every night? Why have I become so weak that I need to drink or smoke every night to fall asleep? Drinking temporarily relieves the pain from heart break (something I severely need to get over) but it also impairs your judgement. Last night, I ruined a budding relationship with a charming fire-man(chef and masseuse). I was supposed to meet him at this restaurant, but I never showed. That was the second time I did this to him. I think I did it because he is a lot older than me, and knows what he wants. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy his company, when I am drunk with a microphone in hand at a kareoke bar in Bayridge. I am feeling completely regretful for not giving him a chance. He is handsome, sweet and modest. The guy was on the TV show Chopped and did not even brag about it. What's wrong with me? He asked me to go the movies, and I said no. He wanted to take me to dinner, or make me dinner, I refused. Then I get drunk, feel sorry for myself that I am lonely and wake up with a hangover. I am so sick of it. Could it be that I'm scared to get close to another guy, since the last one hurt me and I haven't gotten over it? Why am I still holding on to someone who's probably sleeping with every orange, pig faced girl he can get his hands on? Because I am idiot. To make up for my pathetic actions of last night, I am going to clean my house entirely and go the gym. I am going to try and make healthy choices from now on. I am going to try my best not to smoke or drink. Let's see how this goes.
